i can't quite believe this is where i am at, today, right now, here in Canada....
but i am
I'm here
in a house
going to yoga
driving a car
secure in a locked home
with carpet
winter windows
and forced air furnaces
where did Mexico go?
where did todos santos disappear to?
where did Luis go?
my lover....
i left Canada 5 months ago
never thinking i would come back
hoping and praying this time it was for good
but here i am
a little wiser
a little stronger
a little more scared
that my life out there is gone
and i won't be able to get it back
this is my poem, on what my time there was about:
i want to see what comes to me
when i am done vying
crying
lying
when nothing is left
to drown out the sounds
obscure the tenacious thread
that links me to All.
i want to know what comes to me
in the middle of the night
when i am ok with wakefulness
dreamlessness
loneliness
embracing each hour that passes me by
as i sit with myself
my Self
and You.
scratching around the corners
unearthing the roots
i once tried to pull
valiantly
violently
ridiculously.
feeling every part of me
no longer denying
remembering who i really am
taking off the mask
lifting the veils
from my own true nature.
come to me tonight
for i want to see what passes me by
when i am not pushing
pulling
prying
at the seams
of my heart
and this body.
averting and yearning
angry and proud
high and low
happy and sad
disconnected
yet
longing
for love
recognition
peace.
still and quiet Truth
sweet
patient
Truth
come to me
in the middle of the night
find me here waiting
buoyed by Grace
afflicted by Doubt
mesmerized by Glory
of this simple life
too simple to be real
too glorious to be not.
too shaken am i
to the bone
the core
the meat
to not understand
that this is what comes to me
when all else is gone
in the middle of the night.
