Dreamers Like Us......

what are the stars then

if not our very hopes and dreams

thrown up into the air

caught by the hands of Grace

swirled in a derverish dance

lit on fire

and then maybe one day

daringly

sent back down

to see if we re-member

what are the stars then

but all those original dreams

the ones untainted

by lust, greed, power

fear, inadequacy, failure

the ones of youth

the innocents

before the world found out

our weak spot

and poked and pried us there

until we finally one day

forgot - our own beauty

forgot - our own innocence

forgot - our own  gentle spirits

what are the stars then

but a final re-membering

a final coming together

of what was always

meant to have been

but of course it doesn't work that way

does it

there is always the journey

sometimes dark and long

sometimes lonely and silent

a long and winding road

back

to who we were meant to be

what are the stars then

but our own beauty

shining back down upon us

telling us over and over and over

you are ok

telling us over and over and over

you are more than ok

you have survived

and you have more than survived

you have thrived

and you have more than thrived

you have shone

shone so brightly

this here star

is You.

universal order

three months
now
since i've written You
they were a difficult three
lonely
solitary
vague
you were blurry
incandescent
which sounds pretty on paper
but really just means
to have touched you
would have torched me
alive
and so i tried
yes, i tried
to touch you
and for that i am sorry
for i was a coward
and even then
i failed
for each step towards you
you took one step back
on and on and on
across the universe
we danced
until i lay in bed
defeated
crumpled
majestic
resplendent
in my failure
but anyway
those months are over
and somehow
i am still here
alive
survived
slightly demoralized
but yes, here
still breathing
always breathing
when all else fails
just breathe - right?
when all else falls apart around you
take one more breath
and then another
and another
until you finally
one day forget
exactly why
that inhalation
had seemed
so illogical
so morally wrong
to the universal order
of things

you make we want......

I don't know who you are 
and maybe I never will
but the very thought of you
makes me happy
brings me pleasure
not the erotic kind
where I am forced 
to sell my soul
eat too much
drink too much
bloat my body
for another taste
of your honey
it's a different kind
simpler, softer
the kind that makes me want
to plant a garden
pick fresh fruit
walk our dog
through wet and green
coastline trails
eat dates and pecans
figs and walnuts
food of the gods
primordial
like our love
this morning, lying in bed
early rays of light 
streaming in through my window
resplendent in the morning sun
I suddenly realized
in a burst of clarity
that you didn't exist
you would think 
I would have been sad
empty
but instead I wandered 
outdoors
alone
full 
seeking the perfect spot
to plant our garden
all three of us
once again 
together 

No Other......

ocean waves
barking dogs
lizards
geckos
You
this is why i'm here
the life unlived
waiting
taunting
harassing
cajoling
i am here
not because this is
an ending
as i once romantically
believed
but because this is
the beginning
a place to formulate
create
all that hasn't been
all that's yet to be
sickness
pain
disease
always the teacher
the friend
disguised
as the enemy
cancer
ever eating its way
across our world
shouting
wake up
shouting
I'm here
don't go back
to sleep
kindness
patience
acceptance
sprouting beneath
decay
i used to think
i had a world
to save
a planet
to protect
i finally realize
she's ok
she will always survive
even if in
another form
unrecognizable
to the
unrecognizable
me

A full body anaesthetic

awakening
hurts
birthing myself
hurts
i want
a full-body
anaesthetic
top to bottom
frozen
a hospital room
where a kind woman
gently assists me
into the fetal position
legs curled up
tucked tight to my chest
she will explain to me
exactly what
will happen next
reassurances
promises
no more
guessing
no more
unexpected
beauty
destroyed
she will calm me
whispering
soon, soon
soon my love
you will no longer feel
even the slightest
twinge
she will lift my gown
prick my skin
my body will warm
my legs tingle
while the blessed
numbness
finally sets in
soon
i will be unable to move
even one part of my body
and this will be
for a fleeting moment
a relief
i imagine time will stop
right then
and I will sit
in the nothing....
but already
i see the flaw
in this palpable plan:
my heart
my soul
my mind
my tears
none of these care
if I'm frozen

so far away.....

so far away
from home
ckua streams
who would have thought
not me
but I listen
intently
like I can see
the wildflowers
if I am intent
enough

it connects me
sustains me
forest fires rage on
a lifetime away
a world away
another universe
i know exists
but so remote
as to be
of the other world

i email a man
i have never met
i dream of a life
that probably
doesn't exist
but if i give up
let go
it never will

i speak a language
duolingo tells me
i am 54% fluent in
then why
do i understand
nothing
like God
whispering to me
at night
in my dreams
telling me stories
my Spanish English
dictionary
cannot
explain to me

he speaks to me
this unknown man
words
like poetry
to my dried-up ears
they wake me up
sustain me
they take me home
to the other world

it's the new moon
a black night
awaits me
the nothingness
i have grown
accustomed to
the emptiness
i was ready for
but still continually
surprises me
with its audacity
to whisper
"wake up
to the nothing
wake up
to the everything
of Me"

after pure potential......

that solitary moment
when everything
that could
would
should
have been created
comes to stillness
rests in the nothing

when everything
that had the absolute
and utter power
to change the complete course of your life
comes screeching to a stop around you

that solitary moment
when the magnificent beauty
of the Pure Potential
of ALL
grows cold
silent
vague
removed

and you stand there
lost
confused
withdrawn

and you breathe

one breath at a time

and you cry
and you feel the air around you
moving through you
in you
out of you
becoming you

and you sit with that moment
of nothingness
emptiness
the pure potential behind you
but somehow
now once again before you
beside you
and in you

and the moment starts to shift you

and in the stillness
in the tears
and in the glory
starts a very soft sound
like a composition
a remembered melody
of something resembling music
resembling joy

and the harmonies slice through you
they split you open
until you don't remember
which part of you held your heart
and which part of you held your soul
and you no longer care

and your tears become laughter
shoulders weightless
body formless

and the music becomes angels
and they are singing for you
singing you home
to where you remember

who you are

Yesterday.....

today is Day One
of the rest of my life
thank you God!!!!

i had never had a "job" before
the past six months of my life
have been my biggest lesson so far
and also
easily
the most difficult time of my life

getting to work "on time"
taking my break "when told"
going home "not before my shift ended"
showing up
even when it was the last place i wanted to be

i gave up traveling
road trips
yoga
dancing
walking
LIFE!!!

what have we done to this world
where did our freedom go?
our creativity
our vision
our dreams

yesterday
i took them back
yesterday
i refound Robyn
yesterday
my heart burst open
yesterday
my soul started to fly
again

"jobs".....
these are some of the lessons i have learned
from my six-month "work" experiment:

1.  my job didn't pay my bills - it created more bills
2.  a paycheque didn't create freedom - it took my freedom
3.  "steady" money didn't create ease - it caused constrction
4.  even in the organic world - the rich get richer and the poor get poorer
5.  this world is designed to keep us down - the only way to fly is to cut the safety lines!!!!!

GO!
LIVE!
LOVE!
DREAM!

live your passion
live your purpose
live with abandon
live with freedom

keep your heart OPEN!
be authentic
create - anything~~~
but create - something