Finalmente - La Universidad Autónoma Comienza !!!!!

Well, today was the day - I am "officially" a student of UNAM - which basically means that my funding came through, and I went and paid for everything :)

9am this Monday morning it all starts - 7 weeks straight of school from 9am to 2:30 each day.  This feels intense, and I haven't even started yet.. I have four levels to complete in the next year.  However, Level 8 is difficult to pass and for now - I am counting on retaking Level 8 in July and August of 2019 before undertaking my DELE exam.

The DELE exam is the certification of  Spanish as a Foreign Language, which means I can enter into the University of Mexico as a regular student, and attend their regular classes offered in Spanish.  This will allow me to complete my degree in a foreign language, which I believe will help me immensely when looking for work in Latin America upon completion of my degree.

The school is absolutely ridiculously stunning though - honestly, it exceeds all of my imaginings and dreams....  It is a heritage site, and one of the prettiest locations I have ever seen.  I get to spend ten months here!  I bought a book written by a local on the author on the history of the University site - I will share more as I learn more.  I believe the buildings are up to 400 years old though...

Two of my fellow students are diplomats from Russia; they work at their embassy in Mexico City.  They are one level above me though, so I will only see them in passing.  Very intelligent, friendly, open, and charming people though.

Two other students are from Japan, and they are just starting Spanish, so they are in Level 1 of the 8.  I am not sure how many of us are in Level 5 - hopefully at least a few more than just me. I know the more I can listen to others speak, the more I can and will learn. I believe there are about 30 or so of us here this semester - I am easily the closest one to home, and yet I feel so far away!

And yes, I am finally starting to remember to take pictures ….

And YES - we DO have a pool at the school!!!!

Two of the wonderful office workers, helping me get my registration completed:

Walking back home from School:

Images of Taxco...

I spent the morning and afternoon with the lovely woman that owns my apartment.  She took me on a tour of the town – including up the mountain to where the infamous "MonteTaxco" hotel is located. What a place! It really is magnificent.


Some photos from the day, including "Yomelda" – (landlord), the school her son attends, a concert in the main square today, and the view from the mountaintop hotel...

Day of Walking in Taxco

I've got 6 days to go before school starts up in earnest. I am excited for it to start – but also, pretty content to take this time to decompress from moving out of my apartment back in Edmonton, all of the packing, sorting, giving-away, organizing – fitting my life back into one suitcase again.

The two days of travel to get here, the transition to speaking Spanish again – the acclimatization to a new culture.

Yesterday was a care-free day of walking – it was glorious. Here are a few photos from my wanderings:

Today was also the (massive) farmer's market right outside my door step...  How did I forget to take pictures again?  I couldn't really partake in the market per se anyway - as I only had the 80 pesos in my pocket - due to the continual banking dramas occurring here…  (Yesterday $100 was taken out of my account - and no cash was dispensed from the ATM!)

In any case, I only had 80 pesos ($6) - so I bought two pieces of fish with it…  I felt like it was the best investment for my money - as I "can" buy veggies from the supermarket here this week.  Not ideal, but is really what needs to happen.  Next week farmers market - I will be more than prepared!

The market did look glorious - shopping at the supermarket will not need to occur while I am here, as long as I stay prepared with pesos in my pocket.  There were at least a hundred stalls - and all kinds of vegetables.  Next week - pictures!  These were no doubt real "farmers" (granjeros) - as I went back out for a second walk of the day around 4 pm, and the market was just closing up shop....  You should have seen all of the farm trucks loaded up with their supplies, headed back up into the mountains and countryside.  Amazing!

So - I have encountered my first disillusionment with my "perfect" life here in Taxco:  the pollution.  It is, I have to admit, pretty bad. After about a week here now, my throat is a little sore – and I can see why people start to wear the hospital masks. I might take that up myself – but first, I am going to start exploring how I can get to my destinations without using the main street. I think that is really my problem: the main highway runs right through the city, and I keep on walking to it by default to get to where I need to go.  

There has got to be ways to get to where I need to go using the side streets.  As my confidence builds, and I start to worry less about getting lost, this will be what I start working on - when I am off that main street, pollution is maybe a quarter the problem.

I woke up at 5am this morning, perfectly, without an alarm. This is what I am working towards - 5am meditations (Joe Dispenza) - walking up naturally, without feeling tired or groggy when I arise.  I felt great this morning!

I did my 50-minute meditation, and made breakfast.  I actually bought a piece of salmon from the market yesterday…  I mean, clearly not local, clearly not wild - clearly farmed ???  But, wow, it did taste quite good.  I don't think I will do it again, maybe as a treat every so often - there are two types of local river fish that I can purchase here, which makes way more sense.  Will take pictures next week!

A new way of studying Spanish

So – here is the real beauty of studying Spanish in a city that doesn't speak English:

Every moment is school. Every situation is my study. Every email to my landlord is an assignment. Every conversation is a chapter from my textbook.


Every time I turn on the radio, I am making a choice to learn something new. Every time I turn on the TV, I am no longer just watching a show – I am immersing myself.


And get this: my window is my YouTube channel.


I no longer have to study solely from textbooks, audios, videos – I literally just have to walk out my front door. Now – don't get me wrong – it's not like that doesn't take a whole bunch of energy as well. In fact, it is way harder, more stressful, and certainly, way more scary than hiding away in my little basement suite in Edmonton, AB – pretending I am actually in Latin America. When. I. Am. Not.

I actually do need to walk out my front door. 


I have a dear friend in Baja California, I will nickname her SG here to maintain her privacy. SG has been a mentor, a friend, a sister, a mother, a confidante – but more than anything, SG has been an inspiration. SG has been taking near-daily Spanish classes ever since I met her – at least 6 or 7 years now. Unfailingly, she has stuck to her commitment to learn and practice Spanish so that she can communicate with the Mexican families and people living around her in Todos Santos.


While I get too nervous to barely squeak out: Tenga buen dia! - at the corner market – SG is having full-on conversations with the auto mechanic in Spanish.


Meeting SG changed my life – because she showed me that I could do anything. Anything.


While I have been floundering my way through the muck of my life over the past years – SG has been:

1. buying herself a gorgeous traditional casita in Todos Santos.
2. becoming daily more fluent in Spanish.
3. entering into 6am tennis tournaments (SG is over 70 years old).
4. travelling Europe and all parts of the world.
5. meeting super fun handsome men to spend her time with.
6. taking her grandchildren and children on epic adventures.
7. going out for incredible dinners with friends and family.
8. cooking wonderful meals for whichever of her bountiful friends cares to join her


I could go on. You get the picture.


SG is living her life.


The point I am trying to make, is that no matter how scared I am – no matter how close to the abyss I find myself – I am finally, finally living the life I came here to live. And meeting SG was a part of that process.


Actually, every person that is truly living their life – has been a part of this process.


But here's the thing: there aren't that many of these people. How many of us are truly daring to dream their dream? And then – daring to bring to life that dream. And then – more than anything – daring to truly live out that dream.


No matter how yucky, messy, insane, incomprehensible, misunderstood – this process of my life has been - I can say this:

I have been trying to live out my dream.

El Mercado Campesino - The Farmers' Market

Sunday is Farmers' Market day in Taxco - wonderful!  This is a dream come true.  I had no idea when I came here if this would be a hot-bed for farmers, or not...  It is!  It is.  They are everywhere.  

It is. A.  Hot-bed.  

10 am – I was supposed to get picked up by Eduardo this morning – the infamous "tour-guide" who actually drives the cab with the rope-system that opens and closes the doors.... He was taking me to the local farmers' market. I was really, really excited about this..... 10:05.  10:10.  10:15.  No show?

I mean, I get it.  This is Mexico – he may still be en-route...

But here is the thing - this hasn't been my experience so far.  Every time I have gotten a ride somewhere, including Mexico City - everyone has been perfectly punctual.  So I am pretty sure something has gone amiss with Eduardo this morning.  I hope has another client, with maybe some kind of tour that is going to pay him about 20 times more cash than my measly 35 peso farmers' market trip.  Ojalá. 

So, I started walking.  I almost went back into my apartment, but I didn't.  Score 1 for Confident Robyn. 

I had no idea in which direction the market even was... I picked a la derecha.  To the right. After about 15 minutes, I decided to ask another taxi though to actually take me there – just so I would know exactly where it was next time. Turns out, I could have walked. But for $2 – I now know where I am going...


The farmers' market: Amazing!!! Amazing. Amazing.

BUT – it had rained all night, and the super sketchy sidewalk leading into the market was straight down-hill. I almost didn't even attempt it – but the confidence (audacity?) of even the senior senior citizens casually walking in - pushed me to gather up my courage.


Kind of a mistake. I slipped. I caught myself, but not without a sort of half scream of terror – which caused a collective "AYYYYY" from all of the vendors nearest to the entrance... Needless to say, I didn't pause there to take any of the pictures that I was hoping for.  I got the general feeling that I wasn't the first tourist to take a potential spill in that exact spot.  I think they were more surprised (let-down?) that I caught myself than that I was about to take the spill.

Next week.  Pictures.  Promise.  Without a dramatic entry. 


Did you know how small some avocados are? I had no idea. Amazing.


This market was really quite, quite lovely, and massive! Not a "wide" sort of massive, but a "long" sort of massive. The little street it is on is only about 4 feet wide in the middle, with little vendor stalls on either side. The vendors literally have to sit with their bodies angled to the street to let the shoppers walk by.

It went on forever!  It got so narrow at one point, that I lost my nerve, turned around, and started on my way back.  A little ghost of Nervous Robyn.   Walking back I walked through the "Zócolo" - the main square of the city.  Pretty much all Latin American cities have them.  Maybe in Spain too?  This is where the massive cathedral is - but I didn't stop for pictures today, because the Zócolo was a massive maze of locals and tourists attending the cathedral.  Was there a service?  I don't know.  Maybe just Catholics paying their respects.  I will find out. Rushed Robyn was ready to get back to the safety of her apartment.  There must have been 5000 people in the tiny square.   


I am not sure how often I will come back to this Sunday market – I guess I will know more tomorrow. Because apparently, every Monday there is a farmer's market literally 100 steps from my front door. How did I manage to rent an apartment in a city of 100,000 people, only to find a weekly market at my front door? Honestly, if God is not here with me, literally holding my hand – then five thousand of his angels most certainly are.


I walked home from the market very, very happy... But – then remembered that I was running very low on cash, and I hadn't found a bank anywhere near to my apartment.  Here I would find one!  Perfect.  I was once again the right place. 

So I asked around for the local bank. I confidently walked in – trying not to remember my PTSD from Mexico City – and calmly went to take out my cash.


No cash.

It's ok Robyn – you know this – you got this. This happens all the time in Mexico – MC was just different – because you were tired, and alone, and knew no one. You have made some friends here now, and you have your apartment. You are ok.


So I asked around for another bank – and I confidently made my way into the next bank, about a 10-minute walk further away.


"Transacción Rechazada" – I doubt I have to translate that for you. Transaction declined? We all know I have money in my account – because Jennifer put it there for me!!!


I stayed calm. This is just a test. This is just another test of my character, my perseverance, my ability to stay centered in the present moment, and most importantly – a test of my character to stay grounded and confident in my decision to come alone to central Mexico, to study Spanish in a city in the middle of nowhere, with only myself to lean upon.


So, I walked home. Confidently. Back straight, smiling. And I didn't break down at home either. I am down to 80 Pesos in my wallet, and tomorrow I will wake up, meditate, and head out the door to find the perfect bank that will not only allow me to take money out of my account - but it will be their pleasure that I use their ATM to take money out of my account. 


Everything is OK.


This is what I bought today at the farmers market:


Nueces (Walnuts in Shell)  Fresh from their tree!

 Avocados - seriously, no more than the size of a small egg.  Wild trees maybe?

Espinaca - Spinach:  Beautiful dark green, and super tasty.

I really should have taken a picture of the beautiful egg scramble I made for breakfast with all of these ingredients.  Next time.

Sundays was going to be my "treat day" after the farmers' market - where I sit on a little patio and spend 55 Pesos ($4!) on Huevos Rancheros, and look at the views from one of the spectacular patios here.  Sadly, with 80 Pesos in my purse, this will have to wait a week.  

Day 4 - Learning a Third Language.....

I want to talk about the road-system here in Taxco today, and a new language that I am just starting to learn. No, not the Spanish.... actually, it is the language of the single-lane road in Mexico.


Imagine a city built directly into the mountains. Imagine cobble-stone roads winding up and down, all throughout this magical city – like a maze – like playing snakes and ladders.


Now imagine – those roads are single lane, and steep. Very steep at times. With corners so sharp and tight, the drivers frequently have to back up a number of times to work their way through the 3 or 4-point turns.


I have realized that these roads are so old – they were not built for vehicles: they were built for walking. This brainwave delighted me - I hadn't been able to figure out why they had created such an impossible road system… because they didn't! They just never changed their walking system. And it is glorious.


But this is really what I want to say – about the language I am learning:  what do you do when two cars are facing each other, straight on – one headed up the hill, and one headed down the hill.  I mean, you would think that by now, there would be a system of something like – whoever is headed down the hill should have the right-of-way - it makes the most sense, right?


That doesn't appear to be the case. Instead – there is a complex system of honking involved. Honking back and forth – back and forth. Different speeds of the taps of the horn, different levels of volume – spaces of silence in between – evident breaks in the conversation where noone is yet ready to make a move, or give a clear answer....


Eventually, after enough series of beeps occurs – one of the drivers starts to drive backwards.... Now, by then, there might be a few other vehicles behind them, so he starts honking at those vehicles as well, and they gently start honking back at him.  Yet, truly, somehow - even I could tell the difference between the horn beeps directed at the car facing him, and the cars behind me.  How is this possible?
Eventually, a series of vehicles are all happily driving backwards down the hill, or even up the hill – and the car that I am in, is finally starting to inch forward.


It is miraculous.


There is not one red or green light in a city of 100,000 people. I don't think I have seen a stop sign.


Everything is a series of horns honking. And yet, when I am in my apartment with the windows open, I don't hear anything of the nature.


It is because they beep so short and quietly – like a conversation instead of an argument. There are no blaring horns, there is no anger, there is no frustration.  I mean, once the vehicle has backed-up - down-hill, or up-hill, for like 100 or 200 meters, or whatever it is – the drivers high-five each other on the way by.  Like they are saying: hey, we did it! Another successful maneuvering of this road system that wasn't created for roads.  


I imagine it wasn't so long ago here, that these really were all still walking paths. And truly, out in the countryside, besides the tourists in run-down taxi cabs posing as tour operators, mostly it is still people walking or riding horses. Ah, yes - so those would have been actually horse trails too, wouldn't they have.  


It is miraculous.


I have always loved Mexico – but now, I am starting to have more words about it – more clarification about my reasons.


It's the people. It's the culture. It's the idea that being friendly, engaging, open, kind, enthusiastic – these are qualities that are fairly inherent – the norm instead of the exception. I get it – things are not perfect here... The news contrives to tell us that each and every day. But the truth is that each time I come back to Mexico, I recognize the risks, I most certainly comprehend the risks – and yes, I do feel some fear at times. And yet still, still - I am much more overwhelmed by the rewards.


I really, really like it here.

Day 3 - Taxco..... Thru-hiking...

I wrote my entrance exam today to the CEPE - Autonomous University of Mexico…

There are 8 levels of Spanish offered - at Level 8 you are considered "Fluent".  Each level takes 6 weeks, and there are 2 weeks in between each course.  Classes are from 9am to Noon each day, and the afternoons are spent studying, and attending cultural and artistic activities.  Interaction with other Spanish speakers for the afternoons is also expected as our form of study and practice.

I will be complete here on August 14, 2019 - that means I've got 10 months in Paradise - I will take it.  I will make the most of it.  I am finally here.

So I am entering at Level 5 - about what I expected.  The exam was 2 hours - way more intense that I had anticipated or expected…  I am glad it is behind me.

I've got 9 days until school starts.  I am looking forward to it - SO much - but also looking forward to just acclimatizing myself here over the coming days.

Do you know what is interesting - right now, I couldn't even tell you why I want to be bilingual.  What is my purpose?  I know there is a reason - I have trusted that since I started studying Spanish two years ago now.  It's like I see the path I am supposed to take, but it is winding, and kind of up-hill - but I have no idea what is around the final bend.

But the point of this post today is to discuss thru-hiking.  I read a book recently, titled, "Thru-hiking will Break your Heart."  I was BLOWN away.   Blown away.  Besides Spanish, I have a new dream: a long thru-hike - completed at least once in the rest of this life time.

Here are some examples of thru-hikes:

1. Appalachian Trail -2200 miles - made famous by Bill Bryson - one of the first books I ever read that literally started my journey to nearly full-time travel in the past 20 years.

2.  Continental Divide Trail - 3100 miles - Mexico to Canada!  This is the one I am thinking of mostly right now…  Some day!!!!!!

3.  Grand Italian Trail - 3800 miles!  Nearly the whole coast of Italy

4.  Whales Coast Path - Literally the ENTIRE coast of England.  870 miles.

5.  Pacific Crest Trail - 2660 miles through the American desert and down to the Canadian border.

6.  The Long Pathway - New Zealand - 1900 miles.

OK - so these ones are epic!  But that is my new goal - to complete one of them in this lifetime.


The book is written from the perspective of a mid-30's woman, walking the trail on her own - and encompasses her dreams, sorrows, highs, lows, achievements, failures - it is so beautifully written…

It takes Carrot Quinn 6 months to hike her trail - about 25 miles per day.  Wow.

I have always wanted to walk the Santiago Camino Trail - that was always a dream - but I let it go a few years ago, after watching a few newer documentaries on it - and how radically "full" the trail is now…  The hostels you sleep in at night are literally full of hundreds of people.  I realized that wasn't the atmosphere I was actually looking for.

Well, we shall see - but thru-hiking truly sounds the most epic adventure that one could undertake in a lifetime….  You ship your food and necessities to "check-points" along the way - because there aren't always stores to stock up on along the way - and obviously you can only carry a few days supply in your backpack.

I think what intrigues me the most, besides the walking, and walking, and walking - is the strategy behind it.  The goal.  The commitment.  The adventure for sure - but also, truly surrendering to nature, and following through.

Day 2 - Taxco - This is more like it.....

Well, I can tell you this much – my Spanish is going to get better FAST here! Not a word of English is either spoken nor understood – it is literally the ideal location to study Spanish.


Most of the tourists don't even speak English – this doesn't seem like a very popular destination for your typical American or Canadian... Last night I met a family from Spain – they were at the table next to me - where we were all eating local fish.  There is a pure mountain river flowing behind the town where the fisherman bring their daily catch into the town from.  The fish was incredible - SO pure and fresh.  


Today I was invited on a tour of the surrounding country side by a lady I met on the bus from Mexico City – we spent the day together – WOW! Carmena is from Mexico City, and she has invited me back to spend time with her there. She lives with her three children – all professionals – and one of them speaks English.... She, however, didn't speak one word – so it was an interesting day for both of us… Hard work - and we were both exhausted at the end of the day.  As hard as it is for me to speak Spanish for a whole day, I realize now it is nearly as hard for a Spanish speaker to try to navigate my Spanish for a whole day.


This land is literally unlike anything or anywhere I have been before .... We were taken to the mountain where the water flows from: locals are everywhere, walking up and down the road with their bottles of "pure water" – can you say HEAVEN? Our driver told me he would take me back there any time that I wanted to fill a "garrafon" with water – for 40 pesos – about $3. I think I have found my new home....  Where the water flows, a traditional mountain man guards the water - it is free, but he makes sure that the area is treated with respect, honor, and consideration.  There is a small shrine there with the Virgin Mary, and a few crosses.


Our "tour" driver was actually a local cab driver – we met him last night when Carmena and I shared a cab from the bus station to "el centro" of Taxco. We toured with a car that had no front seat, and with the doors opening and closing with a kind of a rope pully-system, that he pulled and pushed at various times of the trip to either try to keep us safe when rounding corners, or to open for us when he was going to let us out. OK – I am so welcoming of adventure – but this was even a little much for me... Literally, up in the mountains, one-way roads, cars flying all over the place – and here we are in a car that I had zero confidence even had working brakes... Surely an adventure. I will do it again though!

Eduardo, the cab driver, is someone now that I can call anytime I need anything - a ride anywhere, a delivery, some help with something - these are the friends that I need to make in order to feel safe.  He is going to take me to the farmers market up in the mountains this Sunday – he charges $5 for a round trip – but not only will I be getting local handmade artisan food, but the prices will about a quarter the price of the commercial supermarket. $5 very well spent each Sunday. I have his number, and he is happy to arrive whenever there is somewhere that is too far away for me to walk to.


We saw caves, glorious waterfalls, pools of crystal blue water for swimming, temples set into the sides of mountains, all kinds of trees that I didn't understand the names of – this land is surely holy, I know that already.


We were gone 4 hours, and we made some friends at a local small shop at the base of one of the huge crosses that are built into the side of the mountains – they served us homemade liqueurs! They called them holy as well, and said they were for sleeping, eating, dancing, resting, walking – apparently there was nothing they were not the cure for. We were served all the liqueurs that we wanted – very strong! I had just a few sips, to be polite – but it was very wonderful. We had homemade soup with handmade tortillas – the taxi driver drank 3 beers – and the bill was 200 pesos for everything – about $14. I certainly know where to take friends when they come to visit...


The woman that served us the liqueurs – she offers a traditional plate of spanish eggs and homemade tortillas on Sundays – all day. All with a view over the entire mountain range. But these are not "businesses" like you may be thinking – they are literally peoples homes that they convert into a small business a few days or one day of the week. They charge just a few pesos, and it is how they make their meager living. We gave them a 30 peso tip today - $2 in our currency – barely one half of a one-way Edmonton bus fare – and she was so confused, she didn't want to take it... I don't think they get too many tourists at their cafe – our cab driver took us there because they were his personal friends. I have pictures of it all to post – I will do that soon.


The weather here is ideal – last night it was 13 degress during the night – a little chilly, but manageable. No heaters here, not even the stationary ones. Lots of  Mexican blankets in the closets to cover up with though. During the day it got to 22 degrees – and they told me that this is around normal. Sometimes a little warmer during the day, and sometimes a little colder during the night – but this is average.


The swimming/cave pools that we went to today are flowing straight from the mountains – so pretty chilly. Some people were swimming, but I think I would pick a hotter day, and head out on one of those afternoons to cool off.


A miraculous day! I know I am in the right spot – just like I knew it when I planned it all... But getting here? What a test. I told Jennifer today that I thought it was as close to birthing a baby as I had ever gotten: the hardest thing you've ever done, but then when the birth is over, you are in heaven, and all of the pain is miraculously forgotten.  You know you are where you are supposed to be.

It all falls apart...... And then put back together again.

10-10-2018 - Not quite the blog I was thinking I would be writing today - but here goes:


Well – it was Day 1 in Mexico yesterday, and apparently I missed my first blog post - so that commitment is going really, really well.  However, I am going to be honest here, and share, that it may have been the worst day of my life.  Well, if not the worst day of my life - the most difficult day of my life.  I live with re-occurring memories of the last moments of my mom passing in the hospice from the cancer, memories of the last moments before Mark left – deep etches of sorrow within me at times – and yet yesterday? Yesterday was a whole new level.


I think something died inside of me yesterday – some kind of belief that I was invincible. Some kind of idea that I was ok on my own. That there was nothing I couldn't manage, handle or figure out. Yesterday, I couldn't manage any of it.


I have traveled to Mexico so many times – but now, looking back, there was often someone “waiting” for me on the other end. And if not, a bus already booked ahead of time, that would take me right from the airport to my next destination. One time I even drove the coast of Baja completely on my own, and even managed to lose my van keys in some obscure Mexican fishing village en-route. How did I manage to navigate that? I do remember feelings of panic, but nothing like yesterday. That was 10 years ago though – I am starting to realize that high stress levels at 37 years of age, are not the same thing as high stress levels at 47 years of age. Plus, I haven't been well – we all know that. I don't think I have the reserves I used to have. OK, scratch that. I may no longer have ANY of the reserves I used to have in my life at this point.  The reality, is that when we aren't in perfect health - it doesn't take much to wipe us out.  Yeah, I was wiped right out.


I didn't sleep the night I left Edmonton – that was my first mistake. But I thought at the time, it would be easier to be super tired, and then it would help me to sleep on the long flight from Calgary to Mexico City. Which may have worked, if I hadn't somehow managed to leave my documents, wallet, and credit cards in my carry-on, which was “checked” by Westjet staff at the last second before boarding the plane. When they asked me if I would mind checking my backpack, as their overhead bins were full – of course I didn't mind! I love being accommodating – somehow that makes me a more likeable person, right.  About an hour into my flight - the realization hit me:  everything was in my backpack, and I had just handed it over to them.  If that bag didn't make Mexico City – which my dark side was already telling me was for sure my destiny – I would arrive in MC with nothing. Nothing. All I had on the flight were my headphones and my telephone. For 5 hours I managed to work myself into a frenzy of utter panic. By the time we landed, I was a complete wreck – there was no sleeping en-route to Mexico. I was now at 36 hours of no sleep.


Then welcome to MC... I should have been more prepared. Two hours of line ups to get through customs – I honestly believe there may have been over a thousand people standing in these long queues - like they went on forever.  Then trying to navigate trains and shuttles to get to my baggage - finally ending up walking from one end to the other of the airport.

Then after not having any of my essentials with me for all of those hours – arriving to collections to see that there were literally no bags left on my carasol.  Not only was my carry-on not there, neither was my suitcase. This whole time I hadn't cried – I had tried to meditate, state affirmations, visualize my bags – STAY CALM ROBYN.  But I broke then. I totally broke. As I started running around like a crazy foreigner, trying to find someone to start questioning lost baggage – there it was – suddenly -  in the distance – a lone red backpack.   Just sitting there, tucked into a corner, off to the side.  OK. Miracle! But now – would there still be a wallet and documents inside of this lone red backpack – just quietly sitting there, waiting for its daft owner - in the middle of  the Mexico City airport.


Can you believe it? Everything was there.  There was relief, but not as much as you might think…  Because – problem is – I was fried at this point. I had brought 900 pesos with me – as I didn't want to have too much cash on me.  I knew theft was my biggest concern – traveling alone – woman, clearly a foreigner, etc.  I had thought 900 pesos seemed like a lot. In Baja it was! Here? My taxi to the airport cost me 350 pesos. Water cost me 50 pesos. The luggage man at the hotel, standing there patiently waiting for his tip – another 50 pesos. I was totally screwed. The hotel would not take my credit card, as I had reserved it online through Pay Pal, and I had to pay the same way. All of my money I had put onto my credit card, thinking that would be the way to pay, it was much safer than carrying cash, right? GREAT idea – only no one takes credit cards here. I hadn't eaten now in 12 hours, and I was as weak as I had ever been, after all of the experiences of the day. But I knew I couldn't spend any of my cash.


I went and asked at the front desk how much a taxi would be to the bus station the next day – my mind ever so frantically trying to figure this all out.  Another 350 pesos. The bus to Taxco, my final destination, would be another 300 pesos. And I still hadn't eaten.


I finally started crying – because that was going to help me right? Nothing computed, there was no way for me to get through this on my own. I still “kind of” held it together though – but barely.


I was completely screwed. Finally, I broke.  I called Jennifer – the friend in Edmonton who has helped me out MULTIPLE times – the friend who I have sworn before, I am “never going to have to call Jennifer again for help" – because, honestly:  “I am now ready to create a life where I can take care of myself” - yeah, that friend.


This is what I have learned though, now, about this friendship – 16 hours later: There is no need to determine that I will never need Jennifer's help again. I probably will! And hopefully, she will know to call me if she needs help one day again as well. I have been there for her too – the truth is that our relationship is based on the mutual trust of “I am here for you” - “You can trust me” - “When the shit hits the fan, I have your back”. So the reality, is that over the years, we are bonding deeply – we are both single, and sometimes we need another person for emergencies, the same way someone else goes to their husband, wife, or partner – knowing that person will always be there for them. Often, I ponder, that people with spouses ultimately have very little idea of what it feels like to be completely and utterly independent – knowing you only have yourself at the end of the day to get you through the craziness of this life. But now, I also know, Jennifer and I have each other.


I had put most of my cash onto my credit card, because in the Baja, I have had multiple problems at bank machines trying to use my debit card – it just gets denied everywhere. So, I couldn't even go and try my debit card, just to see if it would work- there was nothing there!  I tried my credit card, thinking a cash advance from there would be the best next option. NO luck there either. Truth is - I really hadn't thought that would work – but I was doing everything possible that I could before I had to make “the phone call.”


So, yeah, I called Jennifer. She was en-route from Nelson to Edmonton, and she told me later that when I called, her daughter looked at the phone, told her who was calling, and even through Jenn was driving – Jenn told her daughter: hand me the phone, Robyn would not be calling right now if there wasn't an emergency. (I knew Jenn was en-route from Nelson to Edmonton – we had made plans to talk only once I was settled into Taxco another day later.)


Yes, there was indeed an emergency. Jennifer wired me $300 Canadian dollars, but I couldn't go out to retrieve it until the next day – as darkness had already settled over MC, and nothing was even open. At least I had the potential to access money in the morning, however, it was surely going to be another sleepless night in a row.

Ya know what?  I actually slept 6 hours.


That telephone call with Jenn was when it all hit me, what I had done:  I had gotten myself to MC, but I had no money, no friends, no acquaintances to call, I barely spoke Spanish enough to get understood – and I broke down.  Jenn kept me on the line for it must have been close to a couple of hours in total. She talked me through it – I was sobbing, hiccupping – on the verge of completely losing it.  Ok, I was past the verge of completely losing it.  I have never lost it like that before.


I realize now, and even last night when I started calming down – and Jenn helped me see it as well: I was suffering PTSD from the whole day – and from the whole weeks leading up to yesterday – and in reality? from my WHOLE LIFE.


PTSD from my whole life. Wow. That was the most incredible thing to realize. My life has been one episode after another of “dealing” and “coping” and surviving” - and until now, I didn't even realize it. I am sure everyone around me could believe it, and see it – but somehow I was oblivious.


The restaurant was closed by the time I got downstairs – and so by this morning, I hadn't eaten for 26 or so hours. Spanish omelette, refried black beans, and avocado has literally never tasted so good. I tried to eat slowly, and mindfully, and prayerfully – but that omelette was gone in three minutes flat.


I got a map from the front desk to the closest bank, made my way there, and IT WORKED - honest to God real cash came out of my account. I was alive. I was safe. I wasn't hungry. I had money. I was going to make it.


I booked a taxi to the bus station, showered, made my way there, and here I am. My bus from MC to Taxco leaves in half an hour, and it is another 3 hour journey. But on the other end, lies an apartment that is already paid for, friendly, kind, people that are expecting and awaiting my arrival, a city of only 100,000 people instead of 10 million! - and ultimately, a new life. Because I can't live this way anymore. It is time to settle in, to start living a “safer” life. That doesn't have to mean “normal” or a life that is “expected” of me – but just something a little safer, a little (a lot) less stressful and wild.


There were about a hundred more problems and inconveniences that happened yesterday, that aren't even worth mentioning, except to say, that somehow I survived some fundamental test of “who Robyn is.”  I mean, yes, I survived it, and yes, I feel different today – less cocky, and less so sure of myself – but ultimately, without Jennifer, I would have been completely and utterly screwed.  That awareness continues to rock me even now - 5:30 pm, as I proof read this post, and actually post it.


So, how do we thank someone for that? How do we begin to show our appreciation? I think the only real way is to make sure we show up for others equally as present as others are showing up for us. I hope I have many opportunities in my future to pass on the gift that Jenn gave to me. But, more importantly, I need to create a life for myself that has the resources to pass on to others what Jennifer passed on to me. And I am not there right now. So that means, I've got a lot of work ahead of me – to create that life that offers others random acts of kindness. I feel ready for the work.