my love......

I thought I had found you!
again
where are you?
this journey is long
my steps falter
I grow tired
weary
resigned
enroute to you.....
the lines on my face
deepen
as my resolve
strengthens
will you recognize me?
a woman no longer
dazzling
in the glory of youth

I imagine our world
our life
I wish it was clearer
cloudy images
frustrate me
vague dreams
sadden me
but the certainty of you
delights me

I'm plain
obscure
strange
quiet
I don't know which part of me
captivates you
but the miracle
of this life
is simply
that it does

colourful tiles
sweat on sweat
Latin music
Spanish words
chickens
goats
suntans
red wine
gardens
fresh herbs
midnight dips
in warm waters
making love
on sandy beaches
firm ground
under soft blankets
fresh pineapples
ripe mango
home-grown tomatos
these are my images
of us

you are
strong
browned
by the sun
sweet
beyond my imaginings
dedicated
beyond my knowing
loyal
humble
hungry
for change
progressive
kind
loving
completely comfortable
with Now
these are my images
of you

I wait
for a life
that eludes me
a dream
that overtakes me
a lover
that haunts me
all the while knowing
if I was ready for you
we would already be
together

I'm sorry my love
for growing old
before I found you
I'm sorry my love
for letting
so much of the world
envelop me
wasting
our precious time
en route to you

faith......

faith like this
is of the Other World
i feel it
but I wasn't taught it
the learning
is like a death
the acquiring
like the labour of birth

faith like this
isn't a choice
it grips you
takes you over
like breathing
crying
laughing
loving
dying

dismantling
life
tearing it all apart
becoming unrecognizable
that's what this faith
looks like
the sudden realization
that the dismantling and building
are one
you are the one
tearing yourself apart
you are the one
putting yourself back together again

every brick I loose
frees another part of me
every bind I break
changes me
wilds me
designs me
shapes me

God
give me the courage
the audacity
to create something so beautiful
of myself
as to light up
even one dark corner
of this
such a treacherous world

Starting Over....... A poem

What does starting over
Look like
Is it a more
Daring
A more
Beautiful
A more
Perfect
Me
Or simply the me
I once came here to be

Where exactly did I make
That fateful wrong turn
The left
That should have been a right
The convergence of two roads
Where I for the first time
Chose the safer way
The easier
More predictable
Much less dangerous
Way

What does starting over
Look like
When the mid life has come
And you wake up
To realize
This wasn't the life
You came here to live
This wasn't the body
You came here to wear
This wasn't the company
You came here to share

Is there such a thing
As a second chance
In this
This one same life
A do-over
A re-birth
A full and complete
Upheaval
Of every single safe bet
We ever once had made

What does starting over
Look like
When you are finally
Completely and utterly
Willing
To set every single solitary piece
Of your former self
Life, ideas and beliefs
Free

Does it maybe
Just maybe
Look like Love
Does it maybe
Just maybe
Look like Beauty
God
A thumping, pulsing
Wildly beating heart?
Or does it finally
Just finally
Once
Finally
Look like
Life

Did You Know - My Love?

my love
did you know
our goodbye would come so fast?

3 days together
a haltingly short time

did we break some kind of oppositional record
made by the ones more brave
more willing
stronger, surer
much more courageous than us?

did you too feel pain today?
did your heart close up
scared, alone, dry
did it feel like the oceans parted
and I was on one side
and you were on the other?
but I suppose
if you keep that busy
there is no time for all that messy-ness
is there

in any case
I'm the one that told you
that you wanted something different
some new wine, some new dream
you had yet to claim......

the reality
is that you told me
in a hundred different ways
exactly who you were
it was I
that refused to believe you

today I realized
the reality of "us":

you have this life
and it fills up your world
and in it
there is this tiny little bit of space
this compartment
and in it - you tuck your love

and I:
I have this love
and it fills up my world
and in it
there is this tiny little bit of space
this compartment
and in it - I tuck my life

did you know already
that I felt love for you?
did you sense it
feel it
want it
but as of yet
still not have the ability
to claim it?

maybe a day will come
when your number will shine brightly
boldly displayed
once again
on my cell phone screen
and I will know
in that moment
that you are ready

to know Robyn
to see Robyn
to claim Robyn
her heart, her soul
her mind, her thoughts
her vulnerability
her dreams
her love

and I will weep
with joy
and you will weep
with surrender
as the fortresses around your heart
so bravely erected
and now so bravely
falling
crumbling around you

and you will leap
like a mad man
a comic book super hero
over all those fortresses
layers and layers of protection
lying needlessly now
around you

and you will find me!
you will know
perfectly
exactly
where in this crazy world
I will be
because it's true
it's true
you have already
always known