awakening
hurts
birthing myself
hurts
i want
a full-body
anaesthetic
top to bottom
frozen
a hospital room
where a kind woman
gently assists me
into the fetal position
legs curled up
tucked tight to my chest
she will explain to me
exactly what
will happen next
reassurances
promises
no more
guessing
no more
unexpected
beauty
destroyed
she will calm me
whispering
soon, soon
soon my love
you will no longer feel
even the slightest
twinge
she will lift my gown
prick my skin
my body will warm
my legs tingle
while the blessed
numbness
finally sets in
soon
i will be unable to move
even one part of my body
and this will be
for a fleeting moment
a relief
i imagine time will stop
right then
and I will sit
in the nothing....
but already
i see the flaw
in this palpable plan:
my heart
my soul
my mind
my tears
none of these care
if I'm frozen
