Purity.....

if Purity were a woman
i would want to be her
men would want me
not because i was beautiful
gifted
smart or thin
lean or lithe
but because i shone
as pure as the radiant cut diamond
shining like a pure white light
shattering the darkness
piercing through the ashes
sifting through the remnants
of the decrepit Old World
neglected for long enough
as to one day be forgotten

i dream of her
Purity
for i was born with her
deep in my heart
her pain became my pain
her beat became my beat
when she tried to come out
i tucked her in my pocket
carrying her around
nearly forgotten
while my father
carried on
boyfriends
carried on
the world
carried on
deeply
deeply enmeshed
in the decrepit Old World

Divine Union

this kind of faith
cannot be born
it cannot be resurrected
no will, nor want
no desire, nor plea
will ever take me there

it is solely born
of the Divine
a gift, a joy
no matter how undeserved
and what it takes
i dare to say
is this:
nothing
nowhere
find no solace
yearn not
for one small comfort
this pain, this affliction
dare i say:  death
is the path few dare to go

the journey of the hero
the dark night of the soul
the narrow gate
obscured by darkness
covered over
with prickly thorns
playing hide and go seek
with my soul

only the courageous
(nearly none!)
will ever face the fears
don the explorer's rags
set out alone
mercifully alone
to one day surely find
(but surely?
i wish i could say it was so)
to one day find
by the grace of God
find Him

this takes fortitude
beyond my understanding
relentless pursuit
beyond my imagination
faith
beyond my limited vision
love
beyond the constraints of my heart
purity
beyond my perceptions of this world
and pure patience
quite possibly
beyond my own ability
quite simply
this takes
a miracle

i pleaded with God tonight.....

i pleaded with God tonight
for a revolution
some apocalyptic event
that would force us
to overhaul our hearts
open our eyes
and unclench our fists

i pleaded with God tonight
for a world-wide shift
between families
and friends
lovers
partners
corporations
and governments
what happened to the Prophets
that once showed us the way

i pleaded with God tonight
for kindness
and generosity
love
and compassion
the fundamental basic attributes
that once defined the very act
of being human
existing intelligently
in this one same body

i pleaded with God tonight
for my very own awakening
a complete and utter
absolute and fundamental
purgation of who i once thought
that i was to be
when i can finally embrace myself
in the image of our God
all that i am wanting
nay dreaming
of this valiant world to be

every now and then

i still miss you
every now and then
i dream, pretend, converse
but just
every now and then

a completely different life
had one small word been different
one sentence
one frustration
one inadequacy
viewed
even mildly
somewhat
differently

i still think to write you
every now and then
words put down to pen
emails started and deleted
but just
every now and then

i think of you as married now
living in a different town
than that one
that one we spent our summer in
laughing, playing, fighting
doing all those things
only other people now
around me seem to do

we were both wrong
completely and utterly wrong
you wanted too little
and i wanted too much
the irony of that
punches the wind
right out of my body

i still think of Whysper
every now and then
that angel in that body
the one i gave my heart to
the one whose consciousness
every now and then
still passes me by
deep in the middle of the night
his body keeps my blankets warm
and i awake
to bits of fur stuck
to the tops of my covers
but only
every now and then


i'm a different woman now
than the one you knew back then
i think you might like me more
but possibly love me less

i asked for so much more
than you could ever give
and you asked for so much less

my heart screamed
screamed!
to hand it all right over
every bit to you
but that doesn't work now does it
it doesn't ever work
in this such a dark
dark constricted world

i still think of you
every now and then
wondering what you're doing
which path you're on, which trail you run
the speed of your bike
the kilometres you've clocked

i still dream of you
every now and then
what could have been
what should have been
what would have been
but just
every now and then

had we had the audacity
to be more vulnerable
the courage
to fling propriety to the side
the trust
that our dark night of the soul
would in deed one day
finally pass us by
would in deed one day
be just the dimmest memory
coming to us
only every now and then

Just a little thing

and so the day came

when there was nothing left to do

nothing to cook

nothing to sew

mend

or seam

and i looked out my window

and i saw the branch

it`s utter idleness

combined

with utter purpose

and i finally realized

we had it all wrong from the start

the adjustment bureau - watch it!!

the adjustment bureau - movie review

i was always told to

go for it

think big

dream big

live large

know what you want

fight for it

just do it

and somehow

unimaginably

it worked

for so much of my life

it worked

and then one day

something shifted

something shattered

and somehow

unimaginably

it no longer worked

i could no longer conjure

one single thing

that i thought was true

real

and years went by

of struggle, disease and striving

not believing it was over

so much time passed me by

before i could finally see

inexplicably

that the fight

the struggle

the pain

was never going to work

and i started to ponder

the possibility

of a master plan

beyond me

beyond my ego

beyond my desires

beyond my dreams

goals

ideas

logic

like that movie

the adjustment bureau

could it be true

and if it is

where exactly

did my effort fit into the plan

my self-will

my dreams

my truth

today

in my tiny little basement suite

i have no idea

all that makes sense

in this one small  moment

is surrender

letting go

bursting wide open at the seams

of my such a limited heart

compared to the Divine

that is trying so desperately

to help me see

that the master plan

is a good one

it fits the life i came here to live

perfectly

surrender doesn`t look like

 a blob on my couch

a puddle on my floor

a foetus curled up on my bed

it kinda feels like that

but it doesn`t look like that

it isn`t tears, sadness or addictions

it kinda feels like that

but it doesn`t look like that

the master plan

looks like a path

filled with twists and turns and choices

a light in the distance that i only need seek

a tunnel that sometimes looks black and sinister

but always, always

ends up in the rays of the sunshine

the master plan

is like a perfectly tuned orchestra

conducted by a maestro

that can somehow see

every single thing

happening at exactly the same time

i want to lie down

forever in sivasana

but i can`t, i can`t

the master plan is only a plan

the orchestra requires the musician

the architect requires the labour

the mother bee requires the worker bee

and the Divine requires our soul

God needs me

God needs you

He has a perfect plan

help me live it

help me breathe it

join me

Surrender

looks like giving up

feels like resignation

sighs like weary old women

flops to the ground

like well-spent dogs

curdles like cream 

that took a bit too long

to get all used up

I don't know why

I fight 

what God has asked of me

to simply be 

here

now

I don't know why

I want more

than what is offered me

I don't know why

I want less

than my wildest dreams

if there is a plan

I cannot see it

if there is a design

I cannot feel it 

this takes faith

so much faith

my legs grow weary 

courage

so much courage

my body curls up like a child 

trust 

so much trust

i am sure I will be buried alive

by heaps and heaps of this trust

that is conjured from somewhere deep inside of me

so far away from reality

it becomes painfully obvious

that this is not 

of my own making

somewhere this faith

this trust

this courage 

is heaped on top 

of this one small life

by a God

I cannot fathom

a God 

I cannot see

a God

whose pure invisibility

makes Him for me

finally

intangibly

perfectly 

Real 

surrender

feels like every single beautiful dream

is being hurled 

into a fiery pit

one by one by one 

the same fiery pit

that will ultimately devour me

should the temptation to disbelief

one day ensnare me 

in its tenacious unrelenting claws

and when I'm done

all the back breaking 

soul clenching work

of hurling

uncurling 

and unfurling 

it will finally be the end of me

and I will finally fall 

into the formless 

dreamless 

slumber of exhaustion

and I will awake 

to nothing

absolutely annihilating nothing

and this is precisely when

my life will begin

and so tonight I pray then 

merely

for courage

and strength

resilience

trust

faith 

and fortitude 

enroute

to the ultimate surrender

which is 

the letting go

of the foolproof plan

the ideas thought mattered

the agenda thought real

the life thought adequate 

the dreams thought big enough

Love

I think it takes incredible courage

to be scared out of your mind

I think it takes ridiculous levels of confidence

to be completely and utterly vulnerable

I think it takes a whole lot of emptiness

to allow yourself to be filled right up to the top

with love

grace

patience

kindness

honour

redemption 

a complete and utter lack of judgment

for anything

anyone

anytime

anyplace

never

not once

not one small vindictive thought

word

deed

action

how do we get there?

to Grace

how do we navigate this one small short life

where the ending is always the same

no matter how different the journey looks

whether you pillage and plunder

rape and pilfer

drink and gamble

addicts and criminals

it's all the same

we're all the same 

Catholics and Protestants

Buddhists and Monks

evangelists and mendicants 

rich and poor

happy and sad

the truth will always be the Truth:

we're all enroute to Him

if we ever truly and absolutely

irrevocably   

understood this

could anything possibly

remotely possibly

stay the same?

what If we were

truly were

all the same

truly One

what would happen to Christianity

what would happen to religion

what would be left

when it all fell away

I would say:

Spirit

Love

Grace

Faith

Hope

Tears 

but the greatest of these 

is Love

Soul Mate Song

there is a You
isn't there.....
I'd long since given up hope
but tonight
in the quiet
in the tears
in the utter vulnerability of Me
God spoke

and just the simple fact that I want you
that I need you
that I choose you
that I long for you
reminds me
this world once again reminds me
that I am weak
I am fragile
I am utterly dependent
on You

God told me tonight
about you
about us
about our life
about how all my dreams
are not Too Much
they are real
they are alive
they are an entity in and of
themselves

and as I break
and as I bend
I make space
for Grace
and as I open
and as I close
three steps forward
and two steps back
ultimately
somehow
by grace alone
I draw closer to you

but tonight
tonight
God told me this:
you were made for me
quite literally
and I was made for you
and it's our Spiritual duty
to find one another here
not by searching
and not by seeking
but simply
by living the life
we came here to live

God has a plan
there are things at work
that we know nothing about
the day we see clearly
that life is spiritual
and not physical
in that moment
finally
we will recognize one another

landed in ontario......

it's been so long since I've written here
it's hard to believe....
it feels like I've found my way back
to an old dear comfortable friend

so much has happened for me...
I'm now living in a 70's style retro travel trailer
completely off the grid
something I've wanted to do for some time
one more thing to scratch off "the list" for this lifetime
true, something I'd envisioned for baja, mexico, but hey...... :)
life is good!


I'm working on an organic farm in southern ontario
as a garden-intern learning, and also as their farm chef
and truthfully, I've literally been too cold so far
to piece a single thought together
much less write anything resembling from my heart....

but I was reminded today of my favorite author
and what he had to say of my own hearts yearning:
"but I don't want comfort. I want poetry. I want danger.
I want freedom. I want goodness. I want sin."
Aldous Huxley


that really says it all, doesn't it....
to experience all the opposition of life
the good with the bad
the light with the dark
with more than even steadfastness
but with true joy and wonder, wow!


and so in only 25 days here
I've already learned my first profound lesson
(which is of course
really what I've come here for isn't it.....)
to learn what I need to learn, to discover what I need to discover
to unearth inside of me, that which yet yearns to be unearthed.....

and it is this:
we find God precisely in this discomfort
not in its avoidance
or in it's disdain, or its frustration
but literally right down deep in its very guts......
that is where we find Him
by walking right down the middle of it
by slicing right through the heart of it
that is the pathway to God


and we ask, but why me?
why has God given me this suffering?
or: why would I deserve this?
why would anyone deserve this pain or this loss?
why can't things just go right, or as I want them to be
or as I've planned them to be?


and I finally have my answer:
the pain IS the gift
the pain IS the path
the very discomfort itself
is the exact opportunity to find God....
who would have thought?
(besides St. John of the Cross of course:)


and in this discomfort
(this made up discomfort of the mind)
I find once again, i am exactly where I am supposed to be
and there is not one other spot on this entire earth
where i would rather be.....


here is a poem that has found me here.....
the words coming to me
as I wake up to feed the chickens
in the rain or in the snow
in the sleet or the ferocious winds
as i muck through the mud
with buckets of water to the barn
or clean out the crap
those chickens like to throw at me!
or while transplanting
all the beautiful seeds in the greenhouse
(with Cooper - the incredible 150-pound avatar guard dog
napping contentedly at my side.....!)





I am a tiny seed
sprinkled here and there
sometimes growing
sometimes fading
but always
always
reaching out to You


i find You in the morning
at the rising dawn
and i find You in the evening
in the setting sun
but always
always
You are there
waiting there for me


screaming: look up!
look up, dear one, look up here for Me....


i am a sprinkling of dust
a layer of dirt
a heap of debris
a landscape of foliage
but always
always
I am only
I can only just
be me


a shock of stardust
i landed here on earth
finding my roots in the soils
and my breath in the winds
my voice in the rivers
and my sight in the skies


this tiny microcosm of me
reflected perfectly
in the vast macrocosm of He


i am a tiny seed
growing in the dirt
roots and shoots
reeds and weeds
stretching downward
rising upward
but always
ever
reaching out to You


a speck of dust
a piece of a star
a chunk of stone
silt from the edge
of the river
that is all
i ever am


but You
You
You are so much more


the virtually impossible
the highly improbable
the completely unfathomable
that i could somehow
be
here
now


i stare up at the stars
shining and shooting
and I cry my tears for You
for Your glory
for Your mercy


that i could somehow be
somehow impossibly
made possible
here
by You

finding courage: thoughts

i feel different
less like me
more like the me
i thought i would be
i feel stronger
yet somehow weaker
strange
like I'm looking at myself
in a mirror
and it's all coming out
backwards

did i ever really know
who i was?
was the identity ever
an actual
representation
of something resembling
Me?

i'm older
greyer
slower
wiser?
i couldn't say for sure
but then again
there's really nothing left
that i could possibly
say for sure

eight long years
now gone by
since that very first moment
of a quiet
realization
that everything i had believed
to be true
had all been
completely wrong
i had been asleep
the whole time
and i didn't even know it

change
growth
movement
ready
Now
seek
find
rebuild
re-wild
Robyn
God sings to me
while i sleep
whispering these words
breathing them
into my skin, my hair
my heart, my soul
rearranging my DNA
into something
other
than
me

for i was born
lacking courage
but we all were
this family
every single one of us
it runs in our lines
how far back
i couldn't say
but I'm guessing
Way
Way
Back

i have it in me now
to break it
end it
seven generations before
and seven generations behind
every single one of us
different
changed
awake
i wasn't chosen
but i chose

Les Bucherons & Creative Arts

According to Tolstoy, the most important quality of any work of art is its sincerity.
We at Les Bucherons could not agree more.  Art is our life, both during the day while working in schools, and in the evenings, with our families and our friends.  It is not an aspect of our life, it IS our life.

Art has been defined as any of the various branches of creative activity, such as painting, music, literature, and dance.  Creativity itself is defined as the very thing that stimulates this call to activity, calling forth our imagination, our spirit and our invention.  Some of us were born with this natural creativity, this burning desire to create some form of art, in others, it lies deep within, still waiting to be called out.  But surely, it lies somewhere within each one of us.  Les Bucherons is a group of creative artists, dedicating their lives to bringing forth this artist in every child, young adult, teacher, or even attending parent, that they happen to encounter along their way.

Knowing children are naturally drawn to creativity, Les Bucherons has very little actual work to do, their work is their play.  Singing, dancing, acting, making instruments, listening to music, playing musical instruments, drawing, costumes, performing, painting, role-playing, it's all naturally a part of our package.  Every student attending a day with Les Bucherons is given a whole gamut of gifts with which to choose that which will ignite their own passion and inspiration.

Les Bucherons understands that art is all-encompassing, it doesn't have to look one particular way.  It is the child that wants to bake a new recipe, act out a new play, dress up a new doll, pick a new flower, or perform a new trick.  Inspiring children to create something new and unique is our passion.  If we can leave even one child that we have spent our day with, burning to return home and create some new piece of their own unique expression of art, then we have been successful.

Our role is not to place our personal expression of art onto the children, but instead to expose them to a vast choice of materials so that they can be inspired to create their own art. Once the choices are offered, our hope is to leave a budding imagination with the tools and new resources we have offered, in order for them to start creating their own.

These budding artists that we encounter every day in the work we are doing, they have a creative spirit that often cannot be found or expressed without the exposure we are offering.  We believe that if you start early enough, right from kindergarten, and even preschool, there is a much greater chance for this creative spirit to be found, explored, developed, and, therefore, start to grow with the child.  We believe every student is already an artist, and it is our duty to incite each child into action.

We would like to share with you some of the many ways we have seen the sharing of our own creative arts impact the many children we encounter each day.

Children who may be having difficulties in other parts of the school curriculum may find an expressive outlet through art. By inviting and inspiring them to sing and dance, draw and act, we are very quietly, but determinedly, discovering and unearthing latent talents in the students that may not be seen or found otherwise.

Many students have no desire to communicate verbally, they are either shy, quiet, or maybe even withdrawn for reasons we know nothing about.  We may never know or understand even a piece of what they are going through personally or privately.  But art gives them a means of communicating their ideas, feelings, and creativity in a way other than verbally or written.  It often feels safer and less conspicuous.

Once a child witnesses their own creative genius, by turning a simple imaginative idea into something concrete and tactile, it can instil greater confidence, self worth, and their own intrinsic value they have to offer the world.

For other students, it is the offering of options to the standard student curriculum, where they may otherwise be bored, unchallenged, or under stimulated, that may literally change the direction of their lives.

We believe through experience, that an inspired child is much more inclined to attend classes, participate in school events, extracurricular events, volunteer, contribute in some way, join teams, clubs, attend fairs and rallies.  They are more likely to attend college, university, or simply continue to create their own unique expression of themselves after they leave the school system.  Art alleviates boredom, inspires new projects, calls forth action instead of complacency.  We believe art has the capacity to heal the budding artist, and therefore potentially heal their future observer.

Les Bucherons uses traditional canadian culture, history, stories, spirit, and folk lore to inspire and entertain the children.  These are proven methods of drawing children into the experience.  We strive to create an inclusive culture where a group of young learners can join together with a spirit of kindness, enthusiasm, respect and a celebration, instead of division, of their potential differences.

Les Bucherons plays musical instruments such as the herdy-gerdy, the banjo, hand made spoons, accordions, the saw, guitar and the violin.  Many of these instruments are of such a nature that children will never even have the opportunity to know of them, much less watch a traditional dance being performed live right in front of their very eyes.

We additionally supply the schools and teachers with an online program where they can continue on working and interacting with the children, using the new creative tools that we have offered to them.  Included in the package are videos, karaoke, songs, notations, everything that is needed to continue to inspire these burgeoning young artists after we have left.

We offer 2-5 day residencies, traditional maple syrup sugar shacks, Christmas concerts, Canadian cultural days, and Winter Festivals.  We create unique packages that cater to the needs of each individual teacher and school.  We are continually creating, writing and developing new songs, jigs, dances and stories, keeping up with the times of the world as it moves along.

We teach children how to make dancing men and wooden spoons, learn a line dance, a square dance or a circle dance.  We make posters, draw faces, and tell stories, but really, it isn't about us.  It is the students we are there to inspire.  We are there to seek out every single young person that has a passion burning somewhere deep within, just waiting and yearning to be developed and shared.