it's merely Death then: a poem

this isn't a pretty poem
this isn't one
to warm your heart
put a smile on your lips
or a bounce in your step
this is a poem about
Death
and therefore
this is also
a poem about
Life

it seems
it's
merely
Death
then
that scares me
quite possibly
terrifies
Me......

of all the possibilities
of all the deepest
darkest roots
of what This was
actually about....
it's only
Him
really?

it seems
it's merely
Death then
that is the basis
for every single
one
of every single decision
i have ever made
in this lifetime
really?

Death:
in all it's forms
it's disguises
to mask
itself
it's
Self

busses alone
through the deep Americas
words i don't understand
languages i don't speak
people i don't know
gestures i've never seen

long nights in tents
alone
wild animals
brushing canvass
snorts and grunts
calls and shrieks
this is Wild
this is different
this is
not
Robyn

walking alone
through steep mountain passes
swimming out deep
in remote waters
with creatures
just under the surface
alone
always alone
isn't it.....
this fear

living alone
with snakes
scorpions
centipedes
bare feet in the dirt
tentative steps
on pathways
not yet known
where they
might
lead

people
that might
scare me
threaten me
abuse me
hurt me
wound me
really?

and yet
these things
they are not real
are they....
everything only
a lesson
the second i set them free
they are gone
dissolved
before i had even the time
to look away

and the truth is
that all of these things
i have done them
already
haven't i.....
but somehow
never fully
completely
getting to the very
core
of what
lies there
deep within me
where
this fear sits

it lies there
a tumour
in my belly
waiting to be touched
explored
released
birthed
like a chance at a new life
a chance for
Freedom

where does
this Freedom live
when all of the fears
have been
stripped away?
i don't know
and yet i must
i must find out
mustn't i.....

for if i
Die
before Death is explored
touched
kissed
before Fear is machete'd
chopped
arrowed......
i will not have fully
Lived
will i?