Thoughts on Hesitation

i thought to write out this morning some thoughts i had on "hesitation"

they came to me during the night while i wrestled with my own demon, which is:

the difference between moving through a fear and just going for it (even something radical to our own safe world), or instead, listening to our own small still voice, which often means we need to wait, patiently wait, until the clear answer presents itself.....  in any of it's often elusive forms.

there is no right way of the two, there is only the choice that must be made....action or inaction.

and both ways are appropriate at different times.  but both ways are not necessarily appropriate at ALL times.

there are all kinds of medicines in the natural world, for us to use, and as of late i have been pondering them.....  which medicine to use, in each moment, in each precise time, when one must make that decision, between action and inaction, a strong movement forward, or a split second of hesitation, which signals we have no choice but to wait.

for if we go forward, with that hesitancy in our minds, who and what are we really following?  is not the feeling of hesitancy possibly our very proof, that the timing is most certainly not "now"?

we have to make the choice:  accept the medicine of speed, like a hummingbird, hovering and moving, flitting here and there, backward and forward, sideways and angled.... ever on the move to nectar, sweetness and joy.....

or the medicine of ant, slow and methodical, instinctually understanding the outcome we seek will never come to fruition without patience, dedication, and a clear understanding of non-urgency; the power of mindfully building the blocks to pave our own way.

and what is hesitation anyway?  but the complete unfolding of our truth, the wrestling with our own demons, until the ones that no longer serve us fall away, and the ones that still crack us open moment by moment, are honoured and given their still rightful place.

how can we fight a demon that hasn't yet demonstrated it's purpose to us?  would to push it away not simply demand it's resurface at a later time?  like an antibiotic, dealing with the symptom, instead of the deep seated dis-ease within our bodies...

is hesitation itself, in fact, not the complete acceptance of the moment, as it is, without trying to change anything, propel it forward, fix it, or mend it?  is it not the allowing of the enormity of the full truth to emerge at it's own time, speed, and perfect unflowering?

what would it feel like to no longer judge our own hesitancy, or others?