Yes! - a poem for You.......

i have never
ever
Ever
been truly
and utterly
fearless
safety nets have adorned my life
like other women wear jewelry
carefully selected for the moment
dependent on circumstances
the outer appearance
of "ok"ness
being of utmost importance
so i chose a father
and then i chose a husband
that taught me daily
exactly
perfectly
and precisely
how to say No
I can only ever once
Once!
remember saying Yes
and having it really be the truth
it was that night in Mexico
when He brought me to my knees
and held me there
ransomed
with Love
for days and days on end
until the words finally screamed
from dry parched lips
sobs and hiccups and half-laughs
more like a frightened rabbit
being hunted by a fox
finally collapsing
only to realize the fox was no longer there
and had it really ever been?
so that was not a choice then
was it
are words that come from screams
ever really
and truly
a choice?
but with you
with you
my Love
i want my Yes
to be fully
and completely
a whisper
so soft
i must repeat it daily
over
and over
and over once again
until it forms the very backdrop of music
to our unadorned
naked
lives
together
continually
over
and over
and over once again
whispering:
Yes