every now and then

i still miss you
every now and then
i dream, pretend, converse
but just
every now and then

a completely different life
had one small word been different
one sentence
one frustration
one inadequacy
viewed
even mildly
somewhat
differently

i still think to write you
every now and then
words put down to pen
emails started and deleted
but just
every now and then

i think of you as married now
living in a different town
than that one
that one we spent our summer in
laughing, playing, fighting
doing all those things
only other people now
around me seem to do

we were both wrong
completely and utterly wrong
you wanted too little
and i wanted too much
the irony of that
punches the wind
right out of my body

i still think of Whysper
every now and then
that angel in that body
the one i gave my heart to
the one whose consciousness
every now and then
still passes me by
deep in the middle of the night
his body keeps my blankets warm
and i awake
to bits of fur stuck
to the tops of my covers
but only
every now and then


i'm a different woman now
than the one you knew back then
i think you might like me more
but possibly love me less

i asked for so much more
than you could ever give
and you asked for so much less

my heart screamed
screamed!
to hand it all right over
every bit to you
but that doesn't work now does it
it doesn't ever work
in this such a dark
dark constricted world

i still think of you
every now and then
wondering what you're doing
which path you're on, which trail you run
the speed of your bike
the kilometres you've clocked

i still dream of you
every now and then
what could have been
what should have been
what would have been
but just
every now and then

had we had the audacity
to be more vulnerable
the courage
to fling propriety to the side
the trust
that our dark night of the soul
would in deed one day
finally pass us by
would in deed one day
be just the dimmest memory
coming to us
only every now and then