They had their "carne" roasting on a spit - I was SO not going to try that. And then you know what?
I tried it.
I totally tried it.
I looked at the menu for at least 20 minutes - had NO idea what anything was… (How can I still not be able to read a Mexican menu?)
Finally - I asked the waiter to bring me absolutely whatever he wanted to bring me...
I don't think people do that very often.
I don't think he wants to do that very often.
Turns out - "whatever he wanted" - was most certainly whatever was roasting away on that spit….
Of course it was. (Pork???)
Nothing on the menu was over 65 Pesos ($5) - excellent.
There were 4 tables in total - excellent.
I've been trying to tell myself that eating-in makes way more sense - more economical and definitely healthier - most definitely less cheap vegetable oils…. See them there on the shelf? I had to pretend it wasn't happening, when they got poured over my fillings on the grill.
I have actually developed a new mantra for the $2 Canola oil:
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for such a nice oil - my body loves Canola oil - my body thrives on Canola oil - Thank you, Thank you for the Canola oil.
But here's the thing - I am in Mexico. This is my life. Getting out, eating local food, talking Spanish with the waiter, chatting with the other customers - THOSE are the reasons that I am here. Eating by myself, tucked into my safe apartment - I can do that for the bulk of my meals. But I've also got to be doing precisely this: Experiencing Mexico.
When I got to Taxco - everything was so far away… I was worried that I had rented the wrong apartment, because everywhere I went, it felt like I had to walk three miles... Everything was in a different direction - I was in a vast vast space of immensity.
One day I even went out to look at a few different apartments, right across the street from CEPE. Just, ya know, getting a feel for what it would be like to live right by the school. I stopped myself from proceeding in that direction, by reminding myself, that I am working on "Commitment" - c.o.m.m.i.t.m.e.n.t. That means I don't move out of my apartment after one week. Ok.
I told myself, if after 30 days, everything was just too, too far away for me - I would then reconsider my options. I could do 30 days.
So, each day, I picked one place to go to. Just go to one place Robyn - you can do this. You are going to be ok. You are going to get used to this. Open your door. Start walking.
And truly - it did. It started getting a little bit easier. A little more familiar.
The first time I walked to UNAM it felt like it had taken me half an hour - and I was pretty much positive there was no way I was going to be able to navigate these steep streets, back and forth to UNAM - every single day…
Then - it got a little easier.
Walking to the Zócalo (main square) used to feel like I was walking into another world. Now - it feels like I am walking to the corner store.
I walked to UNAM again today - just to get a feel for Monday morning. It took me 11 minutes! 11 minutes. I actually took a taxi there one day last week - when I didn't think I could muster up the walk. Oh brother.
Today - I walked to the Zócalo, the lavandería, the supermarket, UNAM, the hair place (that wasn't open - even though I had an appointment - that was SO Mexico! Yes, I am in Mexico:)…. and the evening restaurant.
And through all of those walking adventures - that each one used to be a "day-trip" in their own right…. - today? It was nothing.
Things are becoming normal. The spaces are becoming real. The distances are becoming actual.
It's because I am no longer coming from a place of fear, anxiety, nerves, or inadequacy.
I am becoming a part of my surroundings.
The spaces are closing in around me - and nothing is "too much" anymore.
My world is shrinking to something manageable.
I am going to be OK here.
It's all in the way I view it. What used to feel like "everything is in a different direction! I can't just walk around and get anything done - it's all over the place...."
Now, I realize - here's the thing: I am precisely in the centre of everything.
I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
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