My Teacher...

I wanted to share today how painful it has been letting go of my teacher....
I tried letting go of him last fall already as well, but i was not quite ready, and came back to him this summer....
This time i will not come back.
This time i must not come back.
The time has come for me to go out and do the work on my own.
Last fall when i left him, i didn't go and do the work.
I went back to my cave and lived my comfortable life as a monk.
Full time contemplation and meditation.
This time i simply must live my life, or i know i will not survive.
I am to go to the land and co-create a magnificent life for myself, and for my future family.
I use I and co-create in the same sentence, which seems a conundrum, but i do so with intention...
For it is only me alone right now, but i know he is coming to me.
I will co-create with him, there is no other way.
I now see i didn't read the Anastasia Cedar series three time for simple pleasure ...
It was actually entering my brain and changing my cells.
There is no other way for me to do this, it truly must be a co-creation....
And while i am searching for him, and allowing him to find me, i will practice, i will study, i will learn, and i will continue to become the highest version of myself.
I will spend more time outdoors to become even healthier and heartier.
I will continue my permaculture course.
I will continue to write and make music.
I will continue to practice kombucha, kimchi and kefir.
I will practice making raw butter and raw cheese.
I will make us a patchwork quilt for our bed!!
I will gather supplies and furniture for our new home together.
I will find us our land to co-create together on, and start to lay the foundation for a cabin.
I will plant us flowers, and start to plot out our garden.
And this is all because i have had the courage to leave my teacher....
My teacher was perfect, he brought me here to where i am.
But it has been time to leave for quite some time now, and i have been fighting it.
I didn't want to lose his strength, his awareness, his compassion, his love.
I see now it is time for me to harness all i have been taught, and trust myself to move forward with my life....
He will always be in me, he will always be a part of me, this is no trivial statement.
If i never leave him, i will never have the life i came here to live.
He has shared his light with me, and now it is time for me to share that light with the world.
In many ways, if i have fully been taught anything of truth by him, then to stay would go against everything i have learned.
I have held on for so long!  
I am moving in the next few days, out to the country.  
By near to the new year, i will have another border collie in my life.
My partner is seeking for me right now.
Life is good and wonderful!
I will go now and become myself the teacher that i have needed so badly, and yet have slowly over time been myself becoming.
Namaste