i had a dream last night. my lover had come home to me, and he was pushing a dolly, the kind the delivery people use, to transfer their supplies from their trucks to the stores.
and on the dolly was stacked, neatly and orderly, at least fifty or sixty puppies, all different colours, sizes and shapes.
they weren't moving, and when i came closer, they were barely breathing, their little tummies almost imperceptibly moving up and down.
my lover had such pride in his eyes i knew he had done all of this just for me, i knew it was my expectations he was meeting, not his own.
when i awoke from my dream, i knew immediately these puppies were all going to die, there was not one that would be saved. and i knew, that when they were first rounded up, they had been playing and yapping, happy and free. they had been eating garbage from the dumpsters, and garbage from the yards, but they had been alive.
and i realized, i am trying to save the world, and it is not possible. when i try to save the world, everyone i touch turns to stone. but when i touch only one at a time, i have enough energy, care, commitment and love, to really and truly make a difference.
and i must make sure the person wants my help, that i am not collecting random and stray people, that are content to live the life they are living. instead of collecting, by just being, i will draw unto myself, those very people that i am seeking to save.
for no one needs to be saved, and no one needs to be fixed, or changed or cured. who do i think i am, to think i can save anyone but myself?
and my lover, with all of his energy, living out my dreams instead of his own, doing the work of my soul and not his own.
i think of all of the men of my past, and all the ones of my future, and the demands I've placed, and the roles I've assigned, and the wars I've introduced, and my soul huddles from the truth of it all.
I've not always done the killing myself, but to delegate is so much more the crueller. for the masculine will always be pulled in by the feminine, and the feminine will always draw in the masculine, like the iguana on my roof here, that pushes out it's neck, high up into the rays of the sun.
i have demanded so many virtues from my lovers, and now i see that they are always a reflection of me. those virtues i spent my energy trying to cultivate in them, were the very virtues i was lacking in myself. And the very men i sought to lure, were the very men i had abandoned from my very own soul.
i see now that my lover needs to be nothing but himself, and i need to be nothing but me. we do not need to be soul mates or twin flames, and he does not have to meet a list of criterion that i am solely lacking in myself. he will be him, and i will be me, and his nature will reflect my nature, and my nature will reflect his nature, and we must live in the truth of our own natures.
and if we come together like that, and our reflections bounce of one another, and they are received from each other, again and again and again, and not declined, and not admonished and not negated, then we will stay together.
and over time, our reflections will purify one another, our rays will brighten, intertwine, and strengthen one another. the strength of our purity will cause our steps to lighten, our hearts to soar, and our souls to liberate. but not only can we liberate our own souls, but as we free ourselves, we grant freedom to all souls that care to be liberated. not a liberation of force, not a stacking of the dolly with the redeemed, but a liberation solely based on the universal law of attraction.
for what i am, that is what i bring into me, and that is what i allow others to be. and as i purify myself, so i allow all others to be purified. for this strength of spirit radiating from my being, emitting from the very love and grace existing between my lover and i, this is the strength of God. this is the strength of Pure Love.
not a love based on wants, needs, desires and expectations. not a love based solely on passion, longing, sex and emotion. but a love based simply on the coming together of the masculine and the feminine, the beauty of the feminine ravishing the masculine with it's innocence and it's pure potential.
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