i'm feeling super hungry today, tired and even a little nauseous
whenever i walk around i get lightheaded and woozy
my thoughts are slowing down, and i am becoming less active on all levels
i did however have the mental and spiritual fortitude for an epiphany during our council session earlier today
it started with me sharing with Estelle and Dani my deep desire for constant connection with my partner, no more checking out, no more walking away, no more needing to hibernate in a cave while we are triggered
my desire to stand tall and true, not back away, no need to detach, no need to avert or avoid
incredibly, they told me that they were simply not looking for the same thing....
they fully respected their partners need to detach, specifically because they felt they too needed to detach at times
this floored me
really?
i mean, i thought all of us were at least yearning for this deep continual connection with another
but we aren't!
i think about Bruce now, and i realize this rings true
he used to get so confused by my wanting to connect
he would often space out somewhere, seemingly disconnect from me, and i would try to bring him back to me
often for days on end, he would be absorbed in work, or concerns, or fears, and i would feel i had lost him somewhere
sometimes this would create frustration and anger within me, as i so wanted to stay in that space of deep connection with him
even if we aren't physically together, my intuition tells me there are ways we can keep our level of intimacy just as high, even when we are apart
I've heard this referred to as ethereal connection, and it can often be an even stronger connection than when physically together
this desire of mine to connect often seemed to frustrate him, and at the least, he clearly didn't understand it or want to be a part of it
this realization is quite massive, because i can now see how I've scared off so many men with this deep yearning of mine
i need more time to explore it, but my initial feelings are that it comes from a purely authentic place
i don't "need" a man, i feel whole and complete without one, i love myself as i am, but there is a deep part of me that is ready to let go of the old paradigm traditional relationship and shift into the new
i listened to a talk on co-creation last week by Barbara Hubbard, and the whole time i was thinking to myself, yes! yes! this is it, this is what I'm yearning for!
i thought i might share with you the notes i took on it, it was so powerful for me. and i now realize that what i am yearning for DOES exist in the world, and it is up to me to find a partner with the same vision, before i ever enter into relationship again.
for my trying to convince HIM that he too is a co-creator is painful for him, and so incredibly painful for me as well.
here are my notes:
true joy is finding our life's purpose
we absolutely must find our true vocation
it is our reason for being here
there is no other way to live and find true joy
part of our life's purpose is to co-create
it is a flame of light that attracts us to a potential that has not yet been realized
the unique creativity within ourselves, when joined with another, becomes extremely turned on: this is vocational arousal and the fusion of genius
when we join by divine impulse to higher consciousness and greater love, with others similar to us, we open deeply to the other, the genius is fused and becomes a new evolutionary form.
we transition from sex to suprasex
desire moves from only reproduction and into co-creation
the co-creator is activated to give birth to authentic essence to the feminine
this is a new archetype
she is passionately animated to give her gift through unconditional love
the transition is from the traditional model of living to this new archetype of living
it is a joining of geniuses to express life's purpose.
joining resonance with another to create at incredibly high levels of consciousness and awareness
the feminine co creator is paving the way for a less independent, less dominant, less masculine based world
her love for the masculine co-creator is limitless, she is fully yearning for him to realize his full potential.
it is to give birth to an element of ourselves that has never been birthed before.
we say "yes", and in doing so, we give birth to this feminine archetype
we go beyond aging when we do our highest calling
we get emotionally, spiritually and physically sick by not living our purpose
through co-creation, soon we start to do only what it is we are here to do, nothing else
this takes deep inner asking, meditation, and the question: what is emerging as our next step in life?
it is our own inner script
it reveals to us our own inner creative expression
there is no more of asserting our own will, it is the quality of joining together
it is moving from protest to creating the world we want to live in
with co-creating we move away from what we are against to what we are "for"
the gift of the masculine is to create form
when he is in touch with his own essence, he needs to completely cultivate this, find his inner growth strength, which will affirm his own essence.
when a woman loves and admires him for his essence, and not his power and success, he can grow and flourish exponentially
we have to evolve. when we stay the same, we have to fight it, for evolution is constant and unavoidable. we constantly live in an internal war when we resist our own evolution.
there is a shift that men have to make in order to enter co creation
they must move from power and dominance into a much softer way of being. not any less powerful, but with less of a need for power.
when a man and woman co-create together, they enter a realm of love that is so deep it is something completely new
our feeling of fulfillment of one another, is to help each other feel ever stronger by supporting one another
the dominator culture comes in handy for the men, because of the isolation they experienced, it created a strength that can remain once the dominator mentality drops away.
woman do not have this, this is one gift the masculine has, that he can work with, and turn it around, and use to his advantage in this shift in consciousness.
the co creator movement is an emergence of the divine
we are moving from independence to pods, groups of two or more people deeply attracted to a shared purpose.
the essential self of each person becomes aroused to express itself perfectly
we cannot reveal ourselves all alone
we touch one another and stimulate each other's genius
we heal one another in this dynamic
we surround ourselves with a pool of light, like a membrane
we join to a degree that we become one another, our DNA links, it is a shared experience
this is already present in us, but most of us are not heart open enough to experience this
we must soften, open and extend our boundaries to the other, which naturally opens us up to the divine, and to all others
this is giving birth to the next stage of ourselves
we are accessing a whole different level of our being
the Christ-essence is born not as an individual, but as a co-creator
it is an adventure to the further recesses of our selves
we access an experiential vibration of the field of the feminine through co creation
we become infused with the masculine and the feminine, and all other higher beings: Christ, Buddha, Sophia, along with our own highest selves.
this creates a dynamic of a sacramental lightning rod from us to the Divine
co creation opens up a bridge between sky and earth
with the ripe conditions, there is a fusion of the higher energy and our own energy. it ignites and new levels of consciousness are born in co creative action
the old conditioning at first will continue to arise, but when push comes to shove, we must always choose to step back in to the new.
we must let go of the old consciousness - we do this by always putting our highest purpose first.
we have to make an inner decision to LIVE our creative higher purpose.
we make a vow to our universal self, this means when we get off track that vow always points the way back home.
we must know our purpose.
take one deep breath, and put our attention back on the track of feeling in resonance.
being in resonance eventually becomes natural, a place we must stay within.
we can no longer feel dissonance. this is a practice, like an athlete needs to practice.
dissonances arises when we lose our purpose, our true path.
meditation, and sitting with the self, gets us there.
it stabilizes our higher frequency.
we need to stay in our highest self in order to be able to co create
we meditate in our highest state, and we grow accustomed to this state.
soon we can no longer live any other way
we form a pod of two or more, that share our life purpose, the direction we are headed in, someone that turns us on, and we work together.
we join forces and commit to one another as a pod unit
we assist one another in keeping to our highest potential
it is a constant unending practice of working together
it is the attempt to normalize the miraculous
it is the evolution of sex to surprasex
which is sex at a higher dimension, it is different, it is new, it is unlike anything we have yet known in the traditional world
it is the drive to join genius together
co-creation invokes the inter-being between us, there is no more separation
we begin to "undevelop" ourselves, all of our old patterns
so much is liberated from within ourselves
our intimate love co-creative relationships are at the core of living our highest purpose
our highest purpose will always be an evolution, we do not need to know the end result to start moving towards it.
everything is evolving, nothing is stagnant, every morning we wake up a more evolved person.
we must shift out of the old paradigm and into the new, we must take steps towards our purpose and highest potential.
anything else is our death.
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